By nightfall last night, all my optimism had abandoned ship, leaving me anxious (putting it mildly) and afraid.
It is obvious now that wherever I am, I can make myself miserable. And I tend to think “if only…” If only I moved back home. If only my head didn’t hurt. If only I wasn’t working here.
So it looks like I have the opportunity to return to Florida and teach in the same school system I just left. Either God or dumb luck has given me an open door, and I’m going to take it.
I must make changes in myself, however. Nothing will change – not my self-doubt, my ability to be happy, my negativity – until I make some internal changes. This entire experience has been extremely humbling. I am going back, with all my friends and family knowing I didn’t succeed. So I must make sure I have learned some important lessons.
Stay tuned as I work through those life lessons.
PS – The ship pictured in my last post is a destroyer. Which I found rather ironic when I used it, and today the irony of it grows.
PPS – The “if only” thing? Pointed out to me by my amazing cousin, who tells me the truth whether I want to hear it or not.