It’s late, but before I call it quits for tonight, I wanted to share what’s making me happy right now.
~ My brother is visiting from New York and we are keeping each other entertained. There’s more, but I’ll save that for another post.
~ My dog is softly snoring on her bed right next to where I’m working.
~ I had a wonderful dinner with my ex, my daughter, and my son-in-law.
~ Someone I once taught and care for greatly just got a clean bill of health. He fought brain tumors for several years and has been free of them for a year and a half now!
~ My daughter made a beautiful cake for her baking class and got an A.
God is good and I am blessed.
I spent most of the weekend in bed with a migraine. What’s new? Anyway, I crawled out of bed this morning and headed into work, wishing the entire time I was back in bed.
This morning one of my students mentioned she had moved over the weekend and didn’t have her backpack. I told her no problem – maybe Mom could go back and get it. Later, this child had a big meltdown while with another teacher, crying and upset. Her grandmother picked her up and she left school. After talking with her mom, I learned they left home quickly over the weekend and were in a shelter. Mom was crying, worried sick about her daughter.
My head didn’t seem like such a big deal after that. I could take some medicine and get through the day.
This evening we had a family dinner at my daughter’s house. Everyone laughed and teased and ate good food, and I marveled at how blessed my children and I are. We sat in a warm home with people to whom we trust our lives, without fear of what tomorrow might bring.
Food, shelter, family, safety. Big blessings.
I am so filled with self-doubt right now, I tried four different post titles, thought they were all awful, and ended up with “ugh”.
It has not been a good day. My daughter had (she thought) two job offers last week. So she turned down the job that she was actually offered for the job she thought she was getting, which would have been more fun. Today she found out she now has neither job.
This evening I sat with my list of twenty school districts, ten charter schools, and twenty-one private schools within a 45 minute drive. There is exactly ONE job opening I am qualified for.
I can feel the anxiety creep in. Then my mind starts what iffing all over the place. What if I had stayed where I was? What if I’d never told my child what a great idea it would be to go to school here. What if I hadn’t put in for a leave of absence? What if we just got in the car and drove back home?
Holy cow! No one knows how to make me crazy as well as I do. I can take the facts and totally ignore them until my stomach is in knots and my head is swimming. While contemplating how tightly wound I was becoming, I found this blog. It reminded me of several simple things I can do to bring my thinking back into a more realistic perspective.
Check it out. http://www.self-ish.net/2009/08/02/6-ways-to-squash-self-doubt/
Happy reading. And may God save me from myself. Sigh…
I can hear Diana Ross singing… “You can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait…”
I don’t know about love, but I do know I have been stressing over not having a job, now that I’ve moved to my home state and left behind a useless Florida teaching certificate. For reasons too complicated to explain, I can’t teach in NY. So I not only am starting in a new place, I have to find a new career path, too.
I am having to keep in mind that I can’t hurry God. He will show me the way, of that I am sure. Just as sure as it takes millions of years for mountains to form and rivers to carve out canyons, the path God has chosen for me may take time to discern.
Patience is the next thing on my list to learn.